FearStyle Friday: Let's Talk About The Worst Horror Movie I've Ever Seen

Hello horror fans and welcome back to FearStyle Friday. I wanted to take today to talk about the worst horror movie I have EVER seen and I'm serious. Now, I'm a fan of bad horror films and I try to see them all. You've got the staples like Troll and Troll 2, any of the Leprechaun movies, and let's not forget the king of the crappy movie, Troma, but this is different. This is a new level of bad. The type of movie that I can't even watch again. Ladies and gentle, without further ado, I present Dawn of the Living Dead aka Curse of the May aka Evil Grave: Curse of the Maya.

Don't let the title confuse you, this isn't a zombie movie brought to you by the God father of zombies, George Romero. This is something far far worse. It is a zombie movie...I think. It was written, produced, directed, and starred David Heavener. Co-starring, we have Todd Bridges, from Different Strokes fame, and Joe Estevez . You know, the brother of Martin Sheen, uncle to Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. You know. What? Just what? And to be frank with you, I couldn't remember what this movie was even about I had to re-watch it and read a summary. I painstakingly re-reviewed this monstrosity of a film to, in the best of my ability, explain to you how awful this movie truly is. It is that confusing. What does that say when the viewer can't follow your movie? Come on David Heavener. I am going to do my best and relay this movie for you, quickly, that way I can carry on with my rant .

Okay, so the movie is about a young woman who moves out to Mexico to deal with her mental health issues, what these were I do not know. It is here where she befriends the local windmill caretaker, the caretaker of Mexican windmills. One night, the two are attacked by ancient Mayan zombies, where the woman connects to the orphan child (because we all know which one that is). This connection compels her to try and solve the mystery that is the Mayan zombies and how to lay their souls to rest. We finally learn that the caretaker had killed the zombie Mayans and that's why they are awake. They kill him, so I guess they get their revenge....I guess .

That's it. It's all confusing. Nothing makes sense . There's five sun's in the sky at one point, that's confusing. I don't really remember why he kills the Mayan family in the first place, that's tragic. Joe Estevez was in this movie, that's also tragic. This whole movie is just a big ol' mess that just makes me want to rip my heart out. Not even a zombie baby could make this movie better.

Seems like a weird segue, but stay with me . The guy who made this movie paid some FX shop for this really rad, vomiting baby doll and he had the doll attack him in one scene. The work on the doll was cool but it did not translate well on screen . Also, this guy was so stoked about the doll that he was bragging about it in the special features. Now, I know what you must be thinking, "Cameron, if you hate this movie then why did you watch the special features?". I had to, that's why. On the DVD, at the end of the film they jump right into the special features after the credits. I've never seen a movie do that before and hopefully never will again. I like to watch the extra stuff at my leisure. I don't like to have it forced on me. It's like, chill man, I'll get to it when I am good and ready. I love behind the scenes stuff, however I did not volunteer to watch this one. All I have to say is thank you David, now I know more useless information about your hard to understand horror movie.

I think that's the end of the rant...for now. Please tell me, have you seen this movie? I doubt it but if you have let me know. If you haven't seen it, don't you worry, I know where you can watch it for free! Just go to YouTube and search the name. That was Curse of the Maya. The quality is poor but so is the story line, so there ya go. Check it out and tell me does this movie even exist in real life or am I in the twilight zone? Tell me your thoughts and join me next time . Maybe I'll rant about something else. Stay spooky.

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FearStyle Friday: Kingpin

Happy late FearStyle Friday! I've been super busy today, but I will always make time for you. Today we are talking about Kingpin, an off the wall comedy about a has been bowler training an Amish natural make it all the way to the bowling Nationals. I chose this movie for today because we went bowling last night. We usually go once a week (we like to bowl) and my brother and I couldn't stop quoting this movie. So, I thought I'd bring it to you. Kingpin is about and ex-pro bowler who had lost his hand to a bad hustle in his prime. He lives in a shanty of an apartment and has to try and sell novelties to pay his bills. While trying to make a living, he stumbles upon an amateur bowler who is just a natural. There's just one problem...he's Amish and obviously not supposed to be there. Roy offers to be the kids manager and make him a star. The kid declines his offer and pedals his way back home. However, the kids farm is in the weeds and they need half a millio...

Weird Movie Wednesday: Klown Kamp Massacre

Welcome weirdos to another installment of Weird Movie Wednesday, where I talk about my favorite obscure horror movies. In keeping with my summer feeling, I've decided to search my movie archives for one of my favorite and very weird horror movies brought to you but the weirdos over at Troma. This movie is totally absurd and over the top, I don't know where to even start. I suppose the first thing to mention is that it is about Klowns (which I love), a summer academy for said klowns (also love), and a senseless slaughter. It's crazy yet so lovable that I just have to tell you about it, so let's do this. On graduation night, 15 years earlier, a klown looking to spread laughter was humiliated when his jokes didn't make anyone in attendance chuckle. To retaliate, he murders the lot of them. The senseless slaughter forced the shut down of the Klown Kamp Academy. Against the advice of locals, kamp owner Bozo goes ahead and reopens the kamp and unwitting klowns sign ...

Weird Movie Wednesday: Coneheads

Greetings and salutations earthlings, to another installation of Weird Movie Wednesday. I hope you are all prepared to talk about the funniest SNL movie of all time because today we are discussing The Coneheads. Okay, maybe its not the best SNL movie ever, but it is hilarious and weird and that's why we are gonna talk about it, but first a little back story. The Coneheads is a movie based off of the classic series of Saturday Night Live sketches of the same name, starring Dan Akroyd, Jane Curtin, and Laraine Newman. In these sketches, we would explore the life of cone shaped headed aliens from the planet Ramulak, who have been stranded on Earth. In monotone speech, the Coneheads overly describe their lives while consuming mass quantities of food and beer. Oh, and raising a teenage cone. They are the average, alien family. The movie expands on their lives from how they got there, to their happily ever after. It guest stars SNL alums Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, David Spade, L...

Weird Movie Wednesday: Newly Deads

Welcome back, weirdo. I've got a movie treat for you today. It is one of the best, worst horror movies that I have ever seen. It's about mistaken identity, a murder, a honeymoon, and a vengeful zombie. Ladies and Gents, I present to you, Newlydeads. This is a Troma Classic about the murder of a transvestite and how he comes back for revenge. What happens is a classic tale of mistaken identity. The owner of this honeymoon hotel is taken aback by a beautiful blonde who is staying in a honeymoon suite. The two decide to pop some bubbly when uh-oh we learn that the blonde is more than what she seems. That's right she's a he and the owner doesn't play that game. In a blinding rage, the man kills the transvestite with the cork screw killing her dead and unkowingly creating a monster. Fast forward several years later, the owner of the hotel finds himself a love of his own and makes use of his honeymoon suite with his sweet on their wedding day. All the while, another cou...

Weird Movie Wednesday: My Mom

Hello and welcome to another special Weird Movie Wednesday. Today, I thought I would talk a little bit about my mom, her fave movies, and the movies she showed me that made me the horror nut I am today. Without her, I don't know that I would love these things as much as I do. This is an early Mother's Day surprise and an ode to mom. Enjoy. So, my mom is a horror fan from way back and she has never been shy in sharing her love for gore with her three kids. Growing up, there were few movies that were off limits and, as long as she was in the room, we could watch anything we wanted. Plus, she worked in a video store so, needless to say, we had access to a wide array to all the movies we could ever want. There were the staples such as A Nightmare on Elm St., Silver Bullet, Return of the Living Dead , Demons and all the Evil Dead's . Not to forget Texas Chainsaw Massacre, My Bloody Valentine, and Friday the 13th and the list goes on. But there were a few that she made us w...

FearStyle Friday: The Leprechaun

Hello Lass's and Lad's, welcome to a so lucky it's scary FearStyle Friday. This week, in honor of everyone's favorite Irish holiday, we will be talking about the 90's classic horror film, The Leprechaun . You can't celebrate this holiday, as a horror fan, without even thinking about this classic. It has it all, it's funny, it stars a young, pre-Friends Jennifer Aniston, and is honestly kind of weird. So, let's do this. The Leprechaun begins in 1983, when a man named Dan O'Grady returns home to North Dakota from a trip to Ireland, where he had stolen a pot'o'gold from the titular Leprechaun. After burying the pot'o'gold, Dan finds that not only did the Leprechaun follow him home, but has killed his wife. In an effort to suppress the Leprechaun, Dan traps him in a crate with a four-leaf clover. The Leprechaun gets the last laugh, however, when Dan suffers a stroke before he has a chance to destroy him. Fast-forward ten years later, ...

Weird Movie Wednesday: The Willies

Happy Weird Movie Wednesday, kiddos! Hope we are all ready for some campfire tales. Lately, I have been surrounded by happy campers, people who are enjoying the sunshine and pleasant weather of the lake that I live on. All this merriment makes me think of one of my favorite horror anthologies, The Willies. It is a childhood favorite and a perfect movie for this time of year. So make you a s'more and let's get this one started. The Willies is about three boys who are sleeping out in a tent in their front yard. To alleviate the boredom of sitting out in an empty tent, they start telling campfire stories. They start small, sticking to local urban legends, then they head to the main event. A story so weird, you have to see it to believe it. The movie stars Sean Astin and the late James Karen and is just too good to miss. I thought I would retell each story for you, in my own words. They aren't very long and they should be just the thing to put you in the camping spi...

Introduction

Do you like horror movies? Of course you do or else you wouldn't be here. I love horror and spend most of my days watching and reading all the best and worst horror has to offer. It is here where I can talk about my love of the macabre with like-minded creeps and weirdos. So, here's a little about me; I love to create. I am in need of an outlet to spread all of my horror creations to people who I think will enjoy it. Even if you don't, at least I can say that I tried. Something else about me; this is not my first time trying my hand at running a blog. Unfortunately I start this process then, whenever I get a little bit busy, I drop it completely. This time I want this to work. Just to prove to myself that I am passionate about the things that interest me. Besides, I watch horror movies, read scary books, and create creepy art just about everyday. So there is no reason why I can't take a little time out of my day to post an update or review of my favorite books, movies, ...

Hello, is there anyone out there?

Hello. Good day. Howdy, hello. I haven't seen this place in a while and just felt like hopping on for no reason what so ever. Things are crazy and I have had no time to think, let alone write. Come to think of it, I have a small audience on here, so I'm sure no one has missed me. But here I am, open to typing on the spot, wanting to catch up on all the goings on and talk about horror movies, just like the old days. There's no schedule- because I can't keep up- but there is stories. I think what is most important these days is to just be and that's what I plan to do; be. So, I have been a gore hungry monster over 80's horror schlop forever and a day, but my latest obsession is made for T.V horror films. Not all of them are necessarily "made of T.V" but they have that "made for T.V feel. Right now, for example I am watching Mikey , a 1992 horror film starring Ashley Laurence from Hellraiser fame, about a kid whose a psychopath and kills off his a...

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